COP29 Day 7
DAY 7 REST
The important people in Azerbaijan are very keen to open up a few more oil fields but hosting COP29 is making it a little bit difficult as the world is watching them. They have already been caught trying to make deals with other petrostates to invest in their fossil fuels. Tut, tut! That was very naughty of them. The big controller, the president, got cross when everyone booed because he told the world that God had told them to increase their carbon emissions by burning more fossil fuels. Oh dear me!
The important people of Azerbaijan have, however, now had a great idea.
67,000 delegates have arrived for the important conference, COP29. Ignoring the fact that everyone except 3 people flew to the conference, the important Azerbaijan people have come up with a cunning plan for the delegates to help them offset the new oil field.
They asked BING AI how much carbon dioxide a barrel of oil gives off and decided to take the figure 430kg. They were a bit naughty because they didn’t check that this number was correct. We wouldn’t do that would we boys and girls. We always check our sources. They decided that they wanted to produce 1000 barrels a day in their new oil well. When offsetting carbon you use the CO2e which means carbon dioxide equivalent. Can you work out how much CO2e they will need to save to open their oil field? It is a very big number so well done children if you managed that hard multiplication sum.
They calculated they needed to find 430 x 1000 x 362 =15,695,000 kg of cO2e offset savings to run the field for a year.
Plant trees
Today every delegate had a small bare root tree delivered to their room. Spades were available to hire, and in return for planting the tree, delegates were offered a free lunch.
As the food is very expensive inside the conference, this was very popular with many of the delegates. The rich and important people sent their servants out to plant the trees but claimed the free meal for themselves. That was naughty of them wasn’t it children. A lot of the climate activists were delighted to plant a tree. Put your hands up if you would like to plant a trees as well children. Lovely, that is everyone in the class.
A bare root tree with no leaves doesn’t take any carbon dioxide out of the air when leafless. However, the important Azerbaijan people looked ahead to when the baby trees had grown up and found out, from an article in an important science journal called Nature, that a tree can absorb on average 25kg of carbon dioxide a year when it is about 30 years old and young trees have a fast take up.
They decided that they couldn’t wait for the trees to grow and as the oil well would take a bit of time to get going, they would take this average tree and count it now.
These numbers didn’t take into account all the extra high food mile meals that they gave the people as a reward for planting and the fact that the trees were only 2 years old and not 30 years old. They calculated 25kg x 67,000 = 1,675,000kg of carbon offset.
They calculated onLY another 15,695,000 -1,675,000 =14,020,000KG OF CO2e offset needed.
2. Turn down the heating
The important Azerbaijan people asked copilot AI how much each carbon dioxide each hotel room gave. The answer came back with a range depending on the hotel so they took the highest value.
They decided each room in each hotel was giving out 10.4 kg of carbon dioxide.
They calculated that half of the delegates were sharing room and the other half were not. That means that (67,000 / 2)/2 + 33500 =50250 hotel rooms were being occupied. They gave the order to every hotel that was hosting a COP29 delegate to turn off the heating. They took an average stay of 12 nights.
The poor delegates had to wear all their clothes to bed it was so cold and some of the poorer delegates didn’t go back to the hotel and crept into the boiler room of the venue so that they could get some sleep. Oh dear, it wasn’t very nice of them to do that. Well children, can you work out how much CO2e the important Azerbaijan people saved?
They calculated by turning the heating off they could offset 50250 x 12 x 10.4 = 6,271,200 kg of CO2e.
3. FOOD WASTE
The important Azerbaijan people next asked ChatGTP how much carbon dioxide was given off from the food waste of an average hotel.
The food waste would normally go straight into landfill. ChatGTP told them that it was about 2.5kg per day.
They phoned round all the hotels and venues that provided food for the COP29 delegates and told them to halve the amount of food that they gave everyone so that they would all be so hungry that they would clean their plates and have no food waste. They also told the hotel not to peel anything so that no preparation waste was generated either. The hungry delegates devoured everything that they were given.
The important Azerbaijan people were delighted. They worked out the carbon dioxide savings for a 12 day stay.
So children, I hope that you eat all the food on your plate so you can grow big and strong.
They calculated by reducing the food waste they could offset 67,000 x 12 x 2.5 = 2,010,000 kg of CO2e
4. water
The important Azerbaijan people next asked ChatGTP how much carbon dioxide was given off from water usage of an average hotel guest.
The GenAI answer was very detailed. It told them that the average carbon dioxide emissions for a single shower consisted of 0.07kg for heating water, 0.02kg for soap/shampoo and 0.75kg for the use of a towel. They rounded this up to 1kg of carbon dioxide per guest. They decided that the delegates probably showered once a day as they were not very smelly.
How often do you get washed children. Put up your hand if you have used soap and washed your hands today. Well done Nick for putting your hand up. Is anyone else going to put their hand up as well?
The important Azerbaijan people sent out orders to all the hotels and venues to remove all soap from the bathroom and turn all heating off for the showers and not to change the towels for 12 days. All delegates were told that they could have a shower but it had to be cold. They also told the guests that they since they had to import 80% of their water into the country, they were being very generous allowing them to get washed at all. Goodness me, I don’t think I would like a cold soapless shower. What do you think children?
They calculated by turning off the hot water and removing the soap and not giving out fresh towels they could offset 1 x 67,000 x 12 = 804,000 kg of CO2e.
5. transport
Pleased with all their savings the important Azerbaijan people asked copilot AI how much carbon dioxide was given out by all the petrol and diesel vehicles in Baku. They were not impressed when AI told them it was difficult to calculate because the country does not publish such figures. They went to the ministry of transport who told them that they don’t collect such data. They then realised that they could find this figure in the Azerbaijan National Climate plan that was meant to be published on the first day of the conference. They went to their COP29 committee and asked to see it. They were most annoyed by the response that it was not ready – and were told to come back next year. The important Azerbaijan people had to rely on the figure from AI saying it was 13% of the countries annual emissions. They looked at Our World in Data which said that their annual emissions were 70 million tonnes.
They were delighted that they could save so much so they sent out the order to stop all public transport and make the delegates walk from their hotels and they banned all the locals from driving cars for 12 days. They were not worried about the public not voting for them in the next election, after all, last time the president got in with 110% of the population voting for him. Although 10% of the votes were declared spoilt.
So children we have come to the end of our story. Can you work out how much carbon dioxide the important people of Azerbaijan saved? It is a very hard sum, and there are lots of very funny numbers in there, but see what you can do. Well done, for having a go.
They calculated by removing all transport they could offset 70,000 million x 0.13 /365 x 12 = 30 million kg of CO2e. With only 5 million kg of CO2e left to find, they had made it with lots to spare.
That’s all folks!
Pleased as punch, the important Azerbaijan people announced to the world, thanks to the delegates of COP29, they had offset enough carbon to open up two new oilfields.
And so the important Azerbaijan people all lived happily ever after until the next severe storm and drought and flood and food shortage….. but who needs to worry about any of that when you have lots and lots of lovely oil.
The End
